i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
