Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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