so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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