just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
