i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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