he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
