Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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