remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
