my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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