??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
