I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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