I am puke
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
