1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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