week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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