last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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