Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
