You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
