My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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