Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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