You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
