I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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