you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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