I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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