Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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