my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
