So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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