shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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