So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
