She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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