when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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