this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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