dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
