Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
