you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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