My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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