1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
