Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I could fuck to npr.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
