I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
