I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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