Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
