My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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