We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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