sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so that wasnt chicken after all
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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