okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
