I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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