Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
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I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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