I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
