this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
