oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I enjoy the company of your penis
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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