Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
