If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
