I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
