just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
