what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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