Fine. I'll sleep in my office
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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