and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
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he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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