Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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