that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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