we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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