ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize