So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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