Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
