Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
