My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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