don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
