Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
