Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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