College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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