Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
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He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
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Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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