That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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