cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
