Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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