Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Randomize
