Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
