That's when you crack a 10am beer
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
