If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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