# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
