Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
